ok!

so for the people who actually read this, it's not gonna be that emo lovey dovey stuff but now it's gonna be about all my encounters with my faith life! soooo yeah. :)

THE FUCK?

never thought i'd use this. Terence if you're reading this, cause you wanted to see my blog, HI.

Alright, on to the real shit as to why im writing this.
Today I discovered, im a failure... and that's ok.
I've come to accept this and now im gonna fix this.
As to my problem? Whatever, fuck it, when one door closes,
another opens. That's what I learned from one of my good friends.
Something she was so passionate about and she got denied but now
she's got something, something she would've never gotten if she didn't get denied in the first place and im so happy for her.

As for me? Im in the same situation but all I can do is just think what's in store for me and im excited.In the beginning, I was gonna complain and bitch about how im not good enough but it's just a sign for something else waiting to happen :)

swag surfing.

random rhymes :]

see i was taught to speak from the heart,
but how can i tell my story from the start,
when the start is just tearing me apart,
so all i can do is tell you where im at,
a 16 year old spoiled brat, wanting to be
a billionaire but he's aware that he's gonna get
nowhere chasing paper dreams, cause hes only 16,
right now all he can do is live life, doing his daily routine
that seem obscene but for him it's serene.

just in case I make a book filled with quotes.

my cranium is filled with alotta thoughts
feels like someone stuffed my head
with fireworks

couple of things on my mind.

1: Everytime I see your name on msn,fb, anywhere, so many feelings emerge, mainly disappointment and anger. Can't believe you're so plastic right now, I stood up for you and look what happened.I should've listened to other people, but i saw the good in you.

P.S have fun at your bash, day before mah birthday! :]
2:I miss you, sooooooooo much.

3: I feel very sandy. Good day though :]

.

read your post, im done blogging now, it's better to keep shit pent up now.

nice.

i know you mean well, i guess, but what you're saying sounds so in my face. Why are you comparing me to someone else when im not like them. Im not two faced, what you see is what you get. Im not even pushing you out, it's called I want space, you know how I deal with problems. Sometimes the advice you give me gets me even mad, just please, if I do something, don't be so offended. A coin is two sides, so is a relationship.Take a chance and have faith in me, even though I do wrong, give me time to show you what's right.
"fuck you" is what you said to me. Never expected that from you.
Know this, I deleted my twitter cause I got tired of being bashed on.
I tried to delete my tumblr cause I got tired of being a victim of other's vicious quotes but it wouldn't, so I just kept it.

Don't take this the wrong way, please. I know you're here for me, but sometimes I need to do things alone.

sigh.

wow, seems like everyone in the world is two faced. You think you know someone but you honestly don't. You think you're tight with someone, you think you have a strong relationship with someone, you share your inner thoughts and spill them all out but somehow, they just always tend to backstab you.After all you've done for a person, after you were there for them when they needed someone because you're a true friend and yet, they always tend to disappoint you. I don't deserve or need this kind of bullshit in my life, seriously. When people show you their true colours, usually you tend to believe them, well, I honestly can't. Im so skeptical about everything and everyone, all because throughout all the people i've encountered who seems to be "real" turns out to be a superficial bitch. Sorry, I don't mean to be rude or mean but im so tired of this. Whatever, I've learned so many things by peoples actions. Im done with all these people, seriously, I don't get a shit anymore, just please don't act like a real friend to me unless you understanding the meaning of being one.

P.S, sorry I hung up on the phone, im really annoyed right now, not by you but by everyone else.

im a "saw"

im such an asshole, fuck.
I should go back to being the quiet kid, the one who only said things if spoken to, who never spoke his mind and was super obnoxious, whos words werent venom and those words belittled and made others feel stupid,retarded, below, like an outcast. I wanna go back to being the quiet kid in the corner of parties, not the kid who didn't care what he said as long as he was heard, as long as he made his point, whether it was harsh or not. Who never said something just for a small chuckle at the expense at getting people pissed as fuck. Who never swore alot just to fit in.
I said I was gonna reinvent myself this summer, well I got alotta work to do, physically and mentally cause at the moment, im a wreck.

So to everyone i've hurt with something i've said, im genuinely sorry, from this point on i'll be better as a person. Feel free to hate, I don't blame you, I'll stay out of your life, it's probably best for you, not for me though.

.

fuck blogspot HAHA.

.

after what you said, I can't sleep,never will now.

it's been awhile.

PART A:
reflecting on what's happened, i've been such an idiot. See, on my way to getting what i've wanted my whole life, i've trampled on things that mean so much to me. I've killed friendships but i've killed a very important one. Im sorry. I shouldn't have put you in that position then just stopped talking to you. The reason I did was because I was wrong and I ran from my mistakes. I thought I was ready but I guess I was being stupid and selfish. I stopped talking to you because I didn't want to hurt you any further but I guess that didn't work out and yet, I still find myself talking to you in "that" way. I was trying to fill that "missing" piece but I shouldn't have tried to do that with you or a matter of fact, anybody. I want to be friends, it's just I don't think im worthy.

Word's can change your life,
but sometimes the word's you pick aren't right.
We have the word sorry to fix mistakes
but sometimes the sorries we say are fakes.
Im sorry for all the trouble i may have caused you,
but the moments we shared were true.
Im sorry I got you caught up in this crazy mess,
but what i am doing is trying my best,
And my rhyme scheme isn't that perfect,
but basically what im trying to do is correct
the hurt i've bestowed upon you,
and that's about it.

BLOG # 1

HAPPY? HAHAHA. I'll revise this.. LATER.

random thoughts #3?

some day's I just want to keep you close, just spend my whole life talking, laughing and loving but some day's I just want to yell, shout and get you out of my life. If this is love, im not sure I do want to be in love. I know I can't ask for a friendship with rainbow's, gumdrops and unicorns but relationships can't start with bs from the start, it never works like that but the thing is, I was willing to do anything for a chance but when im so close to what i thought i wanted, it may not even be what i need. Theres a difference between want and need but for some people, they can't understand. I WANT this to work but I NEED you to listen. I NEED you to keep your end of the bargain, and I WANT you to be happy but I NEED you to UNDERSTAND that you can't act like you can get what you want in life. I NEED you to KNOW that im not trying to push you away, I WANT you to be with me my whole life, you're a trophy, you're a prize but some day's you act like such a snob. I WANT you to know that I don't mean to hurt you by saying these negatives but I NEED you to know that it's the only way I can get through to you. The thing we got right now, It's not working, I NEED you to know that when we mean compromise, WE MEAN com-PROMISE. Promise me you won't say those phrases and I promise you I won't either. I made a promise to myself that I would try my hardest not to hurt you, but the thing is by trying not to hurt you, I've said some "rude"(that's putting it in general) things to innocent people. This week has been hard and I thought you could make it better but you've been contributing cause honestly, I haven't been that mad before. Maybe i'll continue this later, I really need to finish my socials and study but yeeah, I just had this on my mind.

hey.

im fed up. shape up your attitude, then we'll get to talking.

random thoughts # 1.

i think i have my answer, i think i have the solution,
so infatuated that i can't seem to rhyme, but that's ok, i think you
get the point of this. I think i've got it, but then again i've been wrong
so many times. Baby i'd break boundaries and break the definition of happy
for you. I'll give you moments to remember, be all lovey-dovey only if you
let me. This connection, you are the missing star in my constellation leading
me to happiness, I wished on 7777 11:11's about this, so i hope lady faith's on my
side. I think i have my answer, i think we got something special. Flawed?
Flawless is what you are.

it's been awhile since i've felt this way.

shes like a star, sing her songs while playing my guitar,
serenade her with tunes sipping lemonade on a sunny afternoon,
you make me wanna be a better man ever since my love for you began,
Wear my heart on my chest while trying to impress, i give it my best,
and i'll never rest until i've won you over, more luckier than a four leaf clover,
you're the one I want by my side, you're my life and pride, A girl I see to be my bride.

mmhmm.

little ms.diane tran, im sorry that i ran
and so for awhile i felt self-condemnatory,
so i guess I should just share my story.
I didn't know that I hurt you when I made you choose,
when both choices were either to lose or lose, someone close
to you, and yes I was a fool for trying to play it cool,
but that's what guys do, and im sorry for doing that to you.
So once again im sorry for what i've done, this experience wasn't very fun,
and im sorry for making you play this game when it's just me to blame.

JustXtheniceGuy.

(not gonna rhyme this one)

Ended 09 wrong, just wish I could rewind four days back and left everything as it was, but I had to be a naive idiot.I thought it would be different, but I guess not. I fell in love with the wrong girl, cause she doesn't understand what i've done for her. Not even a single mention, sigh, guess things never change right? Acting like nothing happened, when it's the complete opposite and I got hijacked. It's different now between the one thing I didn't want to change, but change is inevitable right? (Sorry if i spelled inevitable wrong)

2010: FIX MATH GRADE(grades on general)
GET IN BETTER SHAPE.
FIND SOMEONE ELSE.
GET OVER HER.
__________________(secret one, it's funny though)

Who was there on those late nights when he left you heartbroken, and who was there to pick up the pieces and put them back together.